Things I Find Humorous

Of all the posts I've done, this is probably the most random.

Humorous Things I've Observed or Experienced Lately:

Noises of constipation...and they're so necessary in the process.

Meeting someone for the first time (ex. job interview, co-worker) Its so fake and the things they say or you say are forgotten as soon as you walk away.

People's sneezes and nose blowing.

Annoyed mothers trying to be calm while talking to someone.

DJ's laughing at themselves.

Music on sitcoms or during the climax.

Gas-it has become my entertainment with this pregnancy and the more I think about it, the funnier it is. Side note, Cody will sometimes ask, "Please tell me that was fake. Please." Through laughter I say, "Nope, all natural." When Rustin stayed with us it happened again and he said, "Are you freakin kidding me right now?" Thats when I realized just how cool it is! My poor children.

Vomitting. Unless the person is like really, really sick.

(I guess I could've saved time and just wrote "Bodily Functions" but this was better.)

Toes

I have what should be a quick story to tell, but to annoy my brother Rustin, I will make it long, boring and dreadful.

The history of Cody's middle toe.

About a year ago, Cody and I were watching TV at Marilyn's house when he jumped up to go get something, probably food, when he stubbed his toe SO hard on her recliner. He was leaning down over the chair and trying to breathe. I just kept telling him he was a baby and to get over it. He told me that it really did hurt and I was mean (probably true). Well next day, if that long, it was black and blue. I then felt slightly bad that I was mean to him but still laughed on the inside. September 08 his stupid toe nail finally fell off when he was in the back seat of my dad's truck. He wanted me to kiss it. (The gross thing-I was going to but he stopped me.)

Now on with an even funnier story, I hate when I'm dead asleep and Cody gets up to pee and turns the light on and leaves the door open so that it wakes me up. Aggravating. He hasn't done that in quite some time but last nite, he did. I didn't say anything but I could hear him just fine. He flushed and started walking, hit the lights, THUD, "son of a......", light back on. I'm in bed and yell, "TURN OFF THE LIGHT" in my manica voice and he says with a broken heart, "I just broke my toe." "Shh." "You don't even care." "Sorry." This morning I woke up and got ready for work and before I left, I went to kiss Cody goodbye. He said his toe is still throbbing so I ask to look at it. Sure enough its the same toe and its black and blue. I just start laughing so hard. Later I asked him to do the dishes and he yells out, "I don't know if I can TOE MURDERER!" Me-laugh laugh laugh. I asked if he remembers saying that and he doesn't but he did! Oh its classic.
I do feel bad for him and I'm sorry I find such humor in it but come on...what spouse wouldn't think thats funny?

Ryan Jim

This week I am writing about my oldest brother Ryan Jim Reidhead. I have been taking notes to remind myself what to write down!

One time he asked me to massage his back so i sat on his back and let er rip. He jumped up so quick and years later has finally repaid me the honor. A family that farts together, stays together.

When he got ran over by a dump truck he gave us all a scare. I came home and saw my mom on the phone with the doctor the most nervous I've ever seen her. Then they took the blood out of the blood clot and we all squirmed, escpecially Ryan who was gripping the walls and left two greasy streaks on the white doctor walls. I believe me, Kiley and possibly my dad left the room cuz we have a weak stomachs. Ryan would've done anything to get out of that room as well.

Ryan kept putting his feet on me which permanently smell like cowboy boots so i gently pulled his toe hair. I'm still surprised he didn't kick me.
I used to have to wake him up in the mornings after my mom would call down in the dungeon and not get a response. We all knew he could hear her...the neighbors could hear her. I would quietly turn his door knob and sneak up to his bed so it wouldn't be a rude awakening. Well nearly everytime he would jump out at me and scare me SO bad.
I drove his truck to Snowflake with a friend as a favor cuz I'm awesome. I couldn't get the clutch and the gas just right and kept stalling. Finally I gunned it and shoved it into 3rd gear...who cares about 1st and 2nd right? and we were off. We made it to snowflake, got the new tires put on, and were on our way back. I parked it right where I found it, which happened to be on a little hill. I put the emergency brake on and pulled away in my red station wagon. The next day I got a call about my trip and if I had a hard time getting started. I told him yeah it was a little tricky. He said, "Thats usually what happens when you leave the emergency brake on for 15 miles." Woops. I guess his friend had parked his truck at the bottom of that little hill and got a "little" dent. Again...woops.

He can talk his way out of any ticket.... MOST of the time...but I guess not quite enough. I have the same lead foot...in fact we all do.

His dog "Nice-Ace" was the best trained dog I've ever been around...and had the worst farts ever. He knew how to clear the room...yes I'm still talking about the dog.
(I wasn't here for this one) One trip to Ruidoso, Ryan was laying on the ground and my uncle Gary sat on him and Ryan let out a big one. I doubt Gary has ever laughed that hard or anyone else that was there.

One time Ryan came down to Thatcher because my car wasn't working right. He bought a new battery for it and on our way home from Wal-Mart we passed my friend on her mo-ped. Ryan then got in front of her in his Ford and LAID down the black smoke for about a solid mile. You could barely see the mo-ped's head light! We laughed SO hard.
Coming home from a trip to Rocky Point we were all piled into the old Dodge and had a camper shell put on the bed so there were enough seats for everyone and so we could take turns sleeping on the mattress. Yes we're THAT family! Well we stopped at Dairy Queen and went through the drive thru. Ryan told us what he wanted and my dad told him to act retarded when the lady handed him his through the camper shell window. He did it and we laughed so hard! I'm sure the lady wanted to call CPS.

He has always remembered to call me on important dates and supports me.

He has always been a very protective brother whether he admits it or not. He never liked any of my guy friends and they all knew it!

He goes and goes and goes but he crashes hard when he's done.

I'm excited to see him with my little kid. Hopefully he'll teach him how to be tough.

I love Ryan more than anything and am thankful he's my older brother. He made growing up a lot of fun!

Attack!

Today I was at work cleaning the "comfort stations" aka the crappers when I helped myself to a bag of m&m's and a orange G2 Gatorade. It was fantastic. Anyways I thought I would be a kind human and share with the chipmunks that are always lined up waiting for almonds or pecans. I stuck my hand out with an M&M in hand and the first chipmunk smelled me and when it felt comfortable it took it and nibbled away. Why not do it again with the next little guy? I stuck out my hand again and the stupid little gerbil came up and bit my middle finger! I cursed so loud and chucked my M&M at in a matter-of-fact way. Luckily it didn't break the skin but it still scared me. I called Cody and told him! He asked, "How old are you again?" Funny.

I still think chipmunks are so cute but I am going to just place the food on the step next time!

WOOPS!

Today started like any other day, I got up and peed at 5 am, had a night mare and had Cody hold me, later he elbowed me in the mouth, then my alarm went off and I hit snooze 4 or 5 times. Anyways, on with my story, I took the Stratus to work and decided if it just had some body work done to it, I wouldn't hate it so much...not to mention it has a really loud engine. I was cruising and listening to "Big Pimpin" one of my favorites. Everyday I go down a road with construction but I just go with the flow of traffic and speed. Well unfortunately, I was the head of the pack today and even more UNFORTUNATE there was a Sheriff sitting by the 25 MPH sign while I was still going 46 mph. :D He got me. I knew he got me. The Sheriff passed cars to catch up to me in the zone oh and by this time I had slowed to like 15. I basically just waited for him to turn his lights on and kept praying Cody had put the proof of insurance in the cubby. I prayed hard but was so afraid to look. As soon as we were out of the zone, there goes his lights but my heart was already sunk so it didn't make a difference whether there were lights or not. He came up to the car and the conversation went like this:
Sheriff: "Have any idea why I pulled you over?"

Me: "I was probably going a tad fast" in a sweet innocent voice. (One you would never imagine me to have)

Sheriff: "Try 21 over."

Me: "Eek" and a look of total remorse and a look like I just crapped my pants.

We have a quick conversation about where I'm headed and why my tags are registered in Show Low. He also thought he recognized me from a previous traffic violation but I told him I have never been pulled over since I moved here. I did say that with much pride and dignity!

Sheriff: "Can I see your license, registration and proof of insurance."

Me: "No problem" but I'm really thinking, "please oh please be in the cubby"...and it was! THANK YOU CODY FOR LISTENING!

He walks away and in the mean time, I'm praying for my life because I know Cody is going to kill me if I get another ticket (I currently have 4 on my record...not counting traffic school....slow learner). He comes back but wtih no clip board. I am thinking, "I'm so busted. Here comes the cuffs."

I took a deep breath and kinda stuck my head out of the window so I could see him better, I was basically parked in a ditch and could only see the ground.

Sheriff: "One of two things will happen. One I arrest you for criminal speed in a construction zone which is DOUBLE the fine plus there were workers present. ............ or Two, I give you a verbal warning and you slow down."

Me: "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" I then took off with the biggest smile EVER and set my cruise.

Ya know all I can really say is HOLY CRAP! How did that even happen? How did I get so lucky? I think it was because I never swore or blamed anyone but myself. I was going to take blame and accept consequences but that doesn't mean I didn't say a quick prayer! And I thought the time I got pulled over going 76+++ in a 65 on my way to church was bad (he clocked me AFTER I came around the corner...would it have been before...I would've never made it to church that day or for the next year!) Moral of these stories, "Only we can learn from our mistakes."

I think I've finally learned.

What are you dreaming!

As most of you know, pregnant women get tired a lot easier and faster. I have found this to be really true with Danica. It will be about 8:30 and she’ll say, “What time is it, like ten? I’m so tired!” And every night without fell I say, “No, its 8:30.” Danica-“Really, I’m SOOO TIRED!” She is so cute, because she would rather stay up and spend time with me than go to bed.

Well last night she made it to bed by 10:00. I stayed up about an hour later and when I crept into the room I found her dead asleep. She had one hand on one of my pillows, (yes we both sleep with more than one pillow) and when I tried to move my pillow to get into bed, she started talking to me. So this is how it went. Danica-“I want that back!” Cody-“What back?” Danica-“My cottage cheese blanket” Cody-“Your cottage cheese blanket?” Danica-“Ya, my scuba diving one….the one that is handmade.” At this point I could resist going and writing this down so I said, “Ok, let me go and get it for you.” Danica-“Thank you” I went back into the front room, wrote it down and had a good laugh. I knew she loved blankets and making them, I just did not know she also dreamt about them.

Danica also has been a trooper so far in the pregnancy. She still works hard and cares so much about others. I feel lucky to have her. Sometimes, those pregnancy hormones kick in (or at least that’s what she calls them) but overall she is so sweet and I love her. She also loves the new car so much, (probably more than me) and I wonder if I’ll ever get to drive it again. Danica has also gotten supersonic smell and hearing since she has been pregnant, so she hates driving the old car because it rattles a bit. What an excuse. O well, at least she is happy and like the saying goes, “If mamma aint happy, no one aint happy!” So true.

New Member of the Claridge Family

As everyone already knows, we were blessed with a new car. Thank the heavens we were able to cut a deal quickly and move on with life. Its a Charcoal 2009 Toyota Corolla. Everyday I can't wait to drive to work and back! Pathetic? You betcha!

Sorry the pictures aren't the best. There was a herd of "hoodlums" so I was hurrying and as I was walking back, I fell off of the curb and twisted my knee. Thats the 3rd time I've fallen off of a curb. Least it wasn't like the one time in Dillard's parking lot when I actually fell and ate it!

All About Tamra AKA EVERYBODY

First off, my mom has taught me more about how to have a fun life, full of laughter more than anyone else and for that I will always be grateful and continue the sick sense of humor!

One time after church my mom was making mashed potatoes and no not potato pearls...we're much better than that garbage. Our food was ALWAYS the real deal (as you can tell). Well she was mixing away and went to put in the pepper when apparently the lid came off or something. I believe she said, "ah s***" or something along those lines followed with laughter. This isn't the average size pepper shaker we're talking about either, it is the HUGE bottle you use to REFILL the shaker. The fluffy off-white potatoes became a gray color and very, VERY powerful. We all ate them the best we could after drowning them in gravy but I've always been nervous its going to happen again.

I think it was my 3rd year to go to girls camp, my mom was the President and I don't think we ever stopped making fun of each other. I mocked her laugh every time I heard it but really emphasized how loud it is! A few years later, mine is the exact same and Cody tells me I make his ears bleed.

At the same girls camp, the night before we went home we had testimony meeting. It was pretty spiritual and girls you wouldn't expect to say anything did. Well I guess to lighten the mood my mom stood up, paused, then started walking away. Everyone just watched and then she said, "I gotta go to the bathroom." Shifty eyes came from everyone and she said, "Just kidding, I do have a testimony." It was absolutely hilarious. Everyone knows I'm completely accident prone. In fact, my 7th grade year I was nominated "Most likely to get hurt" out of the whole student body. Grand. And true. Everytime I hurt myself my mom would say, "take ibuprofen (she made me do it myself and yes those bottles ARE idiot proof) and we'll go to the doctor when the swelling goes down (meaning a couple of days)." I am now immune to ibuprofen. On a Young Women trip to Flagstaff, I fell ice skating (who thought of letting me on the ice really?), and the other leader totally freaked and asked my mom why she wasn't rushing me to the ER. Good ole Tammy said, "ah she'll be fine. We'll go in a couple days." TOUGH LOVE folks.

I had an ingrown toenail when I was young, and all night it just throbbed and throbbed. She came in the room out of total frustration and told me to quit my crying and go to sleep. To be honest, I don't remember even crying at all. She then did a quick fix to my toe by digging out the toe nail from the side and shoving a cotton ball underneath it to "relieve" the pain. I think thats when I started crying. (To be honest, I really think she imagined me crying because sometimes I think I hear things too but I really don't.)

When we went to New York, she forgot all of her makeup. Well Hell. Somehow it was SOMEBODY else's fault.

When Cody and I went swimming at The Buttes in Tempe with her and I got pegged in the face with a volleyball. I really don't ever remember her laughing THAT loud for THAT long but she did. To the point where she nearly threw up. I wish we could've caught that on camera.

I was helping her clean the kitchen one night and I told her to throw me a dish rag to wipe the counter. I had my arms extended. She threw it (chucked not lobbed). It pegged me in the face and then I clapped my hands together. My reflexes suck. I blame the ibuprofen.

We always get in boxing matches and like my dad says, "better knock it off you two before someone gets hurt." I usually let her hurt me so she still feels young.

She can whip a towel like nobody's business.

She loves her "Itsy Bitsy Mitzy" who I recently renamed as "Itchy Bi***y Mitchy". That poor dog. Seriously the most fitting name ever tho.

She had my whole wedding planned before I could even come to Show Low to help. As soon as I told her the colors I might possibly like, the invitations were made and sent, decorations reserved and a decorating team recruited. I think I helped with one thing and that was, I showed up.

She told me I was nuts as soon as I told her I was going to marry Cody (a week after I met him) and now I can't help but agree with her! :D She has been the best at making sure we are always making it.

Through many hard trials in my life, I would come home either from HS or College and find notes on my bed telling me how much she loved me and knew I'd make it. She never gave up on me. I used to tell her, "I love you" before going to bed and she'd say, "Ok." I would just stand there and she'd ask, "What?" I'd tell her, "You're supposed to say it back." And then she would. One Sunday, Sunday school had there lesson on the stage and I was walking by and I heard her tell the class that story. I thought I was so cool because she was telling other adults about my sweet side, which was awesome because a lot of people saw me as a clown.

Speaking of clown, my mom bought me some cute blue plaid shoes and when I put them on I had blue plaid pajama pants on. I looked like a total dork!

While driving, she managed to roll her right hand up in the window while throwing out the bottom of an ice cream cone. She went to the store early one morning for milk. Her dress didn't have as much give as she thought and went to step from one curb to the next. Her dress tightened around her shins and she went rolling across the parking lot! Of course she laughed so hard at herself and when she took her dress to the dry cleaner, she told them it was dirt on her dress. They asked what kind and she explained and the lady wrote "Street dirt". Totally hilarious.

If she eats too much salt it basically makes her deaf. We know when she's been eating potatoe chips because we basically have to scream at her to get her attention.

When we first moved to Show Low (I was in 4th grade), she took me along to run errands. She dropped me off at Safeway to start the grocery shopping but gave me the credit card just in case. Well I finished the shopping, paid for the groceries and went outside to look for her car but it was no where to be found! She forgot me! I sat on the bench until she remembered like a poor homeless kid. I think I sat there for about 30 minutes before she came. Later on, she did the same thing to Rustin.

I ate a bullet popsicle the other day at work and was texting my mom while she was home sick. I told her what I was eating. Later that night she told my dad she wanted a bullet and he said he had one in the closet. I love that they call each other "evil" in moments like this.
One thing that drove me crazy as a teen was say I was in the car riding along with her. She would ask how my day was. As a teen I had one word answers alot. I would say good and she'd say so it was good huh? Hello! I just answered that question. I remember telling Colbi that she did that all the time and one time Colbi caught her too and just laughed! Oh it drove me nuts but now I do it to Cody.

HOW I'M JUST LIKE MY MOM:
My marriage and her marriage are so identical its crazy. When Cody and I and her and my dad are together, Cody and dad lose complete patience.

Our laugh and weird sense of humor.

My tender side. If she cries, I cry.

We're both very clean and organized but I've gradually become a little OCD

Quick come backs.

Same body shape. We suffer from the disease, Noassatall.

We slam cupboards when we're mad, or doors, or drawers or or or

I love my mom so much and am so thankful for how she chose to raise me and my siblings! I had an awesome childhood and loved all the little quirks of a Texan mom!

car bill just turned into $3400!

When It Rains It Pours (I think I've used this title before...go figure)

Today we had a routine oil change (yes we do actually do those for those who have smart comments). Well, wonderful news, we ended up with a $1200 oil change because of the leak from hell. Yes hell. At first, I thought ok, "only money, what else can we deal with?" I laughed about it to keep from going insane. It wasn't till later that it actually hit me. I cried a little out of complete frustration. I told Cody, "Ya know, what else?" He responded, "Danica the Lord knows the bigger picture." I then replied, "I like my picture a lot more and it would be much easier." I've probably never said something with more truth and selfishness but after chugging a 44 oz Vanilla Dr. Pepper (to take the edge off...mainly for Cody's sake) I'm ok. We'll make it work. I know I say that with every trial but I do think the Lord knows I'm about to break. I'm excited to go to the temple tomorrow and just be away from this chaotic* world for a few hours. Plus I get to wear my favorite dress and new red heals.

*I asked Cody how to spell chaotic. He looks at me and says rather loud, "Kay Ah Tik."

Another funny thing that happened today-
I was drinking my said Dr. Pepper (yes it was from QT Rustin) and thoroughly enjoying myself and just saying how amazing it was. Cody's response, "It's the funnest I've ever had with my pants on." My response was inappropriate.

Nauseas.Eyes Popping Out.Migraine

Ever had such a bad headache your eyes feel like they're going to explode and no matter what medicine you take or how much water you drink, nothing takes the edge off. Thats how I am today. I woke up feeling a little ugh and its just gotten worse and the smell of canned chicken doesn't help but since we don't have anymore trash bags, I'll deal with that. Anyways on the reason I'm posting.... funny memories that have come to mind. I am going to do funny stories I don't want to forget of someone in my family once a week. This week-my dad.

Dad-oh where to start...

After pulling some strings, I was able to go with him to Sea Camp when I was in 3rd grade. I ate a bag of doritos and had lots of water while driving through the Salt River Canyon. I knew I was getting sick but in fear of looking stupid in front of the 5th graders by my dad telling me to, "Sit up and watch the yellow line and breathe in some cool, fresh air" I leaned up to tell him I was getting sick and right then I launched all over him and the cell phone. It was disgusting. By the time he pulled over, I was finished and felt much better.



Pointing out to my whole 5th grade class that my dad's crack was showing when he bent over. He requested a student out of his classroom that day.



When he and my mom made me go easter egg hunting when I was 18! Of course they hid them all in the front yard. I put my mom's dish rag over my head and they laughed so hard. I still find no humor in it however. :D



No matter how many times he's been pulled over by the police and possibly arrested, he still loses his cool and mumbles choice words and it becomes very awkward for everyone. I act the same way.



As embarassing as this is for me to admit I will, he paid a boy to ask me to a school dance. In the mean time, I got asked by someone else and then the kid my dad paid asked me too. I ended up going with the first guy!



A lot of trips we took ended up with dad getting frustrated about the traffic or getting lost or mom navigating wrong (aka dad not listening to mom's directions) he would do this hand thing (no not the middle finger) and rub his head. He still does it and we still laugh!



When I hit that stage in my life, my dad always told me I was blossoming and I was always embarassed.



When he fell through our rotten deck.



Thinking he was getting electricuted while cleaning.



Almost hitting my aunt Karalyn's truck Christmas day when he slid on the ice. It felt slow motion but he said the s word in slow motion also. It was classic. Miraculously the tire hit a patch of pavement and stopped.



HOW I'M JUST LIKE HIM

The way I use a toothpick

Playing the drums on the dashboard

Singing along whether I know the words or not

My faith is tried over and over but never ceases

Singing "Be Still My Soul" when times are hard

Always right (whether or not anyone else thinks so is a different story)



I love you Dad!

Next week-Its mom's turn

11 Weeks and All is Well

This is the best that it gets folks. Personally I don't think I'm showing but yes I've gained weight over the years...hence the reason why I wear balloon shirts. They're heaven sent. Today I haven't thrown up...however the day isn't over. It seems to hit me before I go to bed so then I get an "awesome" night sleep. I just can't believe I'm already 11 weeks along. Time is flying and we haven't got anything accomplished but I have no fear or doubt in ourselves.

We got some good news today, our apartment complex is in foreclosure so who knows what's going to happen. We could end up staying here with the same rent OR the people buying the complex could jack up the prices. Whats the best is that the office is closed so no one knows whats going on. If we have to move suddenly, consider this my invitation to you to help us move. Please.