December 9, 2009

my thoughts

I've had a couple realizations these past couple days. Some good. Some sad. Like for instance, I am a mother. For forever. That will never change. This little boy depends completely on Cody and I for everything. My job isn't a "ok boss I've worked 40 hours. Where's my paycheck? I'm going to enjoy the weekend." Its around the clock job that I love but is definitely challenging. A sad thing I realized was I can no longer buy junior clothing. Which stinks because it is so much cheaper. I went clothes shopping this weekend with my mom and just started crying. I never realized how much a body changes after having a baby. Oh well.

My heart has been aching lately for my cousin Crystal. She lost her baby boy in March. I was 2 months pregnant at the funeral and I thought I knew how she might possibly feel but once Cole was born my life changed and I can never imagine my life without him. I can't imagine how tough losing a child would be and I am so sorry for her aches. What an awful thing to experience and I want her to know she is in my prayers. She is an amazing mother and person. She is a huge example to me about just loving every minute of being a mother even when it gets tough. Thank you Crystal.

I couldn't have asked for a better baby. He is so patient with me and smiles whenever I talk to him or enter the room. Tonight I asked Cody, "do you think he loves me?" Cody said, "there is no doubt in my mind. You and him have the most special bond."

I hope one day my hormones go back to normal so I can go through a day without crying but even through the tears I love Cole. I'm usually crying because I love him so much and its the only way I know how to express it.


Liz said...

Isn't being a mother the best!! Even through all the hard work, worries and zero sleep nothing beats. THANK you so much for your kind words about Crystal and for your prayers. I'm sure Crystal will apprecaite them!

Tamra and Jim said...

I'm sure your hormones will be normal again soon. I know you're having a rough time right now, but be patient. Things will smooth out and you'll feel like your old self again. I'm sure of it. And don't stress about what size of clothes or kind of clothes you can wear. You always look adorable, even when you have your sweats on! Yes, our bodies change, but the way I look at it, it's totally worth it! Love you. Not only does your body change, your heart changes, your thoughts change, your whole life changes when you have a baby. And it's all such a blessing.

Ryan and Shannon Rapier said...

Isn't being a mom the best? Glad you're enjoying it. Yes, it is sad when clothes that you think should fit don't...sigh

Eldredge Family said...


Your clothes will fit again!!! I know it is so hard seeing your outside change....My body changes after each baby....its like a surprise waiting to happen!

Thank you for your kind and loving words. A mothers love is eternal and it so hard not to miss the little guy. I think Sage has changed and touched so many life's so I try to focus on that. Everyone has held there on kids a little longer and a little tighter!

Being a Mother is the best! I wish I got paid sometimes.......I keep thinking that my big bonus will be in heaven and not here! I love you dear sweet cousin and after all the madness of the holidays I WANT to see and hold your cute little guy! I want to play his hair it is so cute!

J+C+4=FUN said...

Hi! This is CHani. I'm new at this and someday I will get a blog. But until now I will comment on yours. Enjoy every moment. Even those late nights. And enjoy sleeping when he does because you won't when more come. I agree with everything you said.
Someone gave me a book when Brycen was born its " Let me hold you longer" By Karen Kingsbury
Cole will never complain that you love him. Well maybe when he is older. Enjoy it!
Love you