March 7, 2011

A Wonderful Life

Things lately haven't been the easiest but they certainly haven't been the hardest either. I have moments where I feel extremely close to the spirit (could be mistaken for hormones) but either way I am thankful for the life I have. This pregnancy has been no piece of cake. I know a lot of people who have it a lot worse off than me, but for me, its been hard. I think the second trimester is kicking in though so that feels great. I've actually gone 5 days without puking and that is a record! I don't know what it is about carrying a child and having one already here but I am reminded daily of the blessings of motherhood and eternal family. I can't really explain how I feel at this moment of what my heart feels. The closest word that comes to describing it is JOY but it is even more than that. I'll admit that my mind gets off track of my role as a wife and mother and just as a daughter of God but I try during those moments to remember the sweet things that take place in my life every day.

Cody is an amazing husband and father. He works everyday whether he's sick or tired, he still goes. He cooks dinner the majority of the time. And still tells me I'm pretty even on those bad days.

Cole has a way to remind us of how we are supposed to be living. That little boy is a package sent straight from heaven. He doesn't talk much, but he sure understands everything...which does not mean he always does what he is told. He loves to be chased around the house, thrown on the couch, tickled, take baths, play ding dong with people's belly buttons, pick his toys up, suck on his bear, climb, throw anything, bury himself in pillows, clap when he does something good, snuggle, wipe tears, loves dogs, read, sing, eating whatever fits into his mouth (even nasty nasty nasty stuff), and always folds his arms when we sit down for dinner. He is the sweetest thing.

I don't know this new baby yet. In fact, I don't know whether its a boy or girl (gut says girl) but I do know that he or she will be loved by many and that Cody and I will do our best with the new addition. Every once in a while I feel it kicking...more like a nudge...but what a wonderful feeling. It makes my heart so happy knowing our family is growing but scared to death in the same breath.

I can't help but wonder how my recovery will go. I probably think about it TOO much but I do not want to be so depressed that I can't enjoy my life and my children. I will forever be grateful that Cole will never know he was taken away from me when he was three months old because I wasn't normal. I think thats why I'm so scared this time. Cole will almost be two when the baby is born and he'll know if I'm gone. The bond between mother and son is so strong. I hope I'm able to stay strong (and stable) and that things will go much smoother. I have faith that everything will work out but that does not mean everything will be worked out on my time frame. ha.

I have a wonderful life, even when its hard.


Tamra and Jim said...

I love what you wrote. You are very blessed and I am so thankful. One year ago was a very rough time. I'm so happy things are going better for you!